Being a mom is everything to me.
I wanted to start this post by making that clear from the very beginning because I don’t want to be misunderstood. I really do love being a mom; Hannah is so special to me because she’s my girl and my first born. Also “baby” Samuel as he is affectionately called by everyone is special to me too. He’s my boy and a promise from God. I do so much for my kids, like every mom does, and I would give my life for them!
Being a mom is everything to me, however, it isn’t everything I am. I have learned and studied a lot about identity in Christ. When I was in college I had to learn that I was more than a musician and worship leader; I was a child of God, and His precious daughter at that! I was loved by Him simply because I was His! Now, being a mom I have to remind myself of my identity still. I am more than a mom, it’s just a season of life that I am currently in.
This topic came to me to write about because I feel that there may be others out there, like me, who need to be reminded that they are more than a mom. Mom-life consumes days, especially days off, holidays, etc. Where did my time for personal things go? Lol, it’s slim these days! Myself as an artist and as someone who genuinely enjoys working, I have to make sure I safeguard my personal time and work time. It helps fill up my cup mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as well.
I have a lot of friends who are stay at home moms (SAHM) and they love it! This was hard for me to deal with mentally when I first had Hannah (our 3 year old), because I quickly realized although I loved my time with her I missed my time doing other things like working. I knew that being a SAHM wasn’t for me and I felt guilty about it. Maybe others out there reading this have also felt this mom-guilt. Days when she would just tag along with me to work, she would enjoy our days, but I felt bad that we weren’t doing more things with her. I had to watch my time on social media because I would see other moms taking their kids on all these outings and doing all these activities that I simply didn’t have time or energy for, and I felt guilty. “Was I really giving my child the best life I could?” was always a question in my head.
Part of me then realized that providing for her also meant being the best version of myself. If I wasn’t happy or the best I could be as a person then I wasn’t ready to give of myself as a mom. You can’t pour from an empty cup! My husband and I have to fill our cup with time together, time for hobbies, activities, working and making art is a big part of that for both of us!
In our situation, we both had gone back and forth about daycare versus Hannah coming to work with us (my mom also has been a huge help watching her most days as well!). We realized when she came with us to work, it was nice that we had extra time together and she wasn’t with strangers for xx many hours in the day (plus you’re saving money). However, when we were working we had split focus - you’re not really focused on your child, then they always see you busy and asking them to play by themselves, or you’re not really focused on work, which is that fair to your workplace?! We decided to wait until she was 3 and started her in K3 this past fall. It has been so great for us AND for her! Michell and I have been more productive in our mornings at work and have time together on our day off. Plus she has grown so much socially, learned a lot at school, and had so much fun! She looks forward to going to school everyday; during Christmas break she asked me everyday, “is there school today?” Now when we have time together, we can be more intentional about playing together or doing fun activities. For us, it’s been a win-win.
I wanted to share our story because if you are wondering what your options for childcare are or are unsure about being a SAHM, consider how your happiness and your child’s happiness are worth any price tag. You can find reasonable, Christian educational options if you look for it. If like me, you’re unsure about taking the plunge - here’s your nudge. Make time for you and for what you are passionate about!
So often I see people who quit pursuing their personal interests when they become parents, even unintentionally. Time is harder to find and harder to manage. But when you have a passion for something you can’t just leave it to the side because of other responsibilities; you have to rise to the occasion, especially if you feel like you’ve been called by God to continue this passion (like I do). Plus I want to set an example for my kids that art and God-given callings and passions have an important place in our lives. For instance, instead of taking a break from songwriting, I want to challenge myself to write more songs! I need that creative outlet and I can’t let it fade into the background. For me personally I have to make it a priority!
I love that my daughter gets to watch us lead worship every Sunday and Wednesday, come to worship practices, and hear music played at home. When she’s older she’ll realize the sacrifices that we made and the value that it brings, just like I did! I’m thankful that I had music in my house growing up, and had the opportunity to attend prayer meetings, Sunday night church, and so much more as I tagged along with mom and dad. Watching them in ministry taught me how life in ministry was and now I’m so thankful my family gets to be a part of building the Kingdom of God together!
Moms, let’s talk. I’d love to hear your story. <3